shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
