yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
