I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
