dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you win again, gameday.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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