i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
