What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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