Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
