Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
