I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
