You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
