Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
