Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
