in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
