It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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