you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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