so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
