she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
