So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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