Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
