Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
