I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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