If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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