I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
