After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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