My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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