Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
