And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
