I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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