You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
