Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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