when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
