You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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