I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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