I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
