If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
