Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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