trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
