Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm at about main and main street
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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