i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
