WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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