maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well you can't waste a boner
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
