its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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