I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
