I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
