So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
