My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
