Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
