Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
