We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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