Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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