A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
