I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
