Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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