my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She bit a glass in half.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
