That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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