come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize