The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
