I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
