I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
