Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
