There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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