Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
