i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
