I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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