In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize