:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
