No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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