I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
