Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she peed on how many people?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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