The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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