Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
