I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
