Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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