Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
