Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
