I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize