They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
