when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
